As I walked past the Benetton store in Connaught Place at 11 p.m., two men sauntered down the street hand in hand, their effeminate gestures inviting stares from passers-by who swerved to avoid them. Both men were flamboyantly dressed in tight T-shirts and their unabashed laughter pierced the stillness of the night. As I overtook them, I heard snatches of the conversation in Hindi.
It was at that very moment that it hit me.
These men were gay in an such obvious sort of way that people even moved away, hoping to avoid an embarrassing situation. The two men didn't seem to care, perhaps they hadn't even noticed. They were happy being themselves.
I am gay too, but still in the closet, managing so far to blend in with the 'normal' heterosexual crowd and avoiding social censure. But I am the abnormal one here, hiding behind an anonymous blog page, deftly changing the subject when curious relatives ask me why I am 30+ and unmarried, flustered when office colleagues wonder why I had never seen or heard of porn star Sunny Leone before her 'Bigg Boss' stint.
These two men were living, I was merely existing. They had gay pride, I am yet to summon it. Coming out in society and being myself is hard and I need more time. And when it does happen, I just hope it's not too late.
... look how dirty my skin has become. Can you believe I just got a facial today?And with that, one of the men burst into song -- some raunchy Bollywood number that I did not recognise. And the other man giggled in amusement.
It was at that very moment that it hit me.
These men were gay in an such obvious sort of way that people even moved away, hoping to avoid an embarrassing situation. The two men didn't seem to care, perhaps they hadn't even noticed. They were happy being themselves.
I am gay too, but still in the closet, managing so far to blend in with the 'normal' heterosexual crowd and avoiding social censure. But I am the abnormal one here, hiding behind an anonymous blog page, deftly changing the subject when curious relatives ask me why I am 30+ and unmarried, flustered when office colleagues wonder why I had never seen or heard of porn star Sunny Leone before her 'Bigg Boss' stint.
These two men were living, I was merely existing. They had gay pride, I am yet to summon it. Coming out in society and being myself is hard and I need more time. And when it does happen, I just hope it's not too late.
